I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
