If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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