I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
