So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
