I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
