It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
