I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
