did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
