I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
