I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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