I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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