ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
