I'm drive I can fine osifer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize