You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
