i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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