dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
