So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry about my life...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
