can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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