What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
