Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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