OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
