I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I intend to get homeless drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
