I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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