I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
