Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
