What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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