There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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