I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
