I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
