ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
