I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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