I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
