I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
