I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
