your parents love me but you hate me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
