I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
