You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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