i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
