Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
