you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
