I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
