I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
