I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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