This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
