My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
