My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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