oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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