And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize