He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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