just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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