This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
