She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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