note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
