come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
