There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
