did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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