I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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