I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
