Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
