I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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