Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
