I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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