Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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