i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
