I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
