matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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