How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
