Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
